Author: Umm Sa‘diyah
Fellowship (the 2nd and final part)
Effects and Blessings of Forbearance (Mildness and Leniency)
Forbearance plays a vital and constructive role in both family and social life. Life is full of challenges and hardships that every human being must face. If one chooses to respond to problems and difficulties with harshness and violence toward others, he not only harms his social reputation but also damages his moral and religious integrity.
In family life, if gentleness and forbearance do not exist, harshness and cruelty will dominate. Throughout married life, there are many occasions when a spouse’s behavior or speech may not be to one’s liking, and without forbearance, each of these situations could become a cause of conflict and violence in the home. However, with gentleness and patience, many disagreements can be resolved, and peace and affection can be established within the family. The same principle applies to social life and interactions with others.
The importance of this matter is so great that Allah commanded His prophets, Moses and his brother Aaron (peace be upon them), when confronting Pharaoh, to speak to him gently so that perhaps he might remember or fear (Allah).
فَقُولا لَهُ قَوْلًا لَیِّنًا لَعَلَّهُ یَتَذَکَّرُ أَوْ یَخْشى Translation: “And speak to him with gentle words, that perhaps he may take heed or fear (Allah).” (Surah Ṭāhā, 20:44)
Allah commanded Moses and Aaron (peace be upon them) to speak softly to Pharaoh because in calling people to the truth, one must adopt proper principles and methods. The invitation should not begin with severity and harshness, for that would only cause the listener to turn away and refuse to hear the truth. But when one speaks kindly and softly, the listener becomes more receptive and willing to consider what is said.
How can a gentle word cure arrogance? Arrogance stems from pride and self-conceit, and it cannot always be treated with force; rather, it requires subtle influence that reaches the heart. Therefore, the one who calls others to the truth must understand that his goal is not to crush or destroy the arrogant, but to guide him. Rebellion should not be met with rebellion; rather, the cure for rebellion is patience, tolerance, and forbearance.
A gentle word toward the rebellious serves as a practical lesson for them—it shows that their rebellion is senseless and unjustified. Sometimes, that very softness can undermine the foundation of their arrogance and lead them to realize that there are better ways to achieve their aims.
Worldly well-being manifests through forbearance with people, while spiritual well-being is achieved by avoiding harm and sinful behavior. The opposite of forbearance—harshness and violence—brings great danger and loss. Moreover, when a person deals gently with others, he feels safer and more at ease, which allows him to focus more on his religious duties. In contrast, one who lacks forbearance lives in anxiety and disturbance caused by conflicts with others.
Friendship and affection are the natural outcomes of gentleness and kindness. Through leniency, friendships become stronger and more enduring. Gentleness carries within it blessings and abundance, while the one devoid of it is deprived of goodness. Be gentle with people so that you may benefit from their brotherhood and friendship; treat them with openness and cheerfulness so that grudges may vanish.
When you treat people with forbearance, they respond with brotherhood and affection. By showing good character, you remove their resentment and prevent them from seeking to harm you. One who reconciles with others conceals his own faults, for when a person lives peacefully and avoids conflict, people no longer seek to expose his shortcomings. In contrast, those who harbor hostility invite others to uncover and expose their faults, leading to disgrace.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) was exceedingly gentle and tolerant. Yes, he declared certain individuals as mahdoor al-dam—those whose killing was lawful due to their crimes—but apart from this small group, many polytheists who had harmed him in various ways were pardoned and embraced by his mercy. The Prophet (peace be upon him) never cursed them; instead, he prayed for them: اللَّهُمَّ اغفِر لِقَومي فَإِنَّهُم لَا يَعلَمونَ Translation: “O Allah, forgive my people, for they do not know (the truth).”
The number of people who embraced Islam due to the noble character of the Prophet (peace be upon him) was far greater than those who accepted it through argument, proof, or miracles. This aspect of his character is profoundly significant. Allah Himself addressed the Prophet (peace be upon him) saying: وَ لَو كُنتَ فَظًّا غَليظَ القَلبِ لَانفَضّوا مِن حَولِکَ Translation: “And had you been harsh and hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you.” (Surah Āl ʿImrān, 3:159)
Indeed, good manners and kindness were among the Prophet’s most distinguished virtues, and Allah praised him for it. In another verse, Allah says: وَ ما أَرسَلناكَ إِلّا رَحمَةً لِلعالَمين Translation: “And We have not sent you except as a mercy to the worlds.” (Surah al-Anbiyāʾ, 21:107)
This noble conduct was also evident in the lives of the Prophet’s companions (peace be upon them). History records numerous cases of people who were drawn to Islam through the companions’ gentleness and patience. Many insults and abuses were directed at them, but they endured with calmness and self-restraint. Often, their composed reactions brought remarkable blessings and guidance to the very people who had insulted them.
In conclusion:
Only through the gentleness and compassion that prophets infused into their movements of liberation can broad and sincere popular support be achieved. Gentleness adorns everything it touches, beautifies it, and expands its influence. In contrast, harshness diminishes value, harms relationships, and over time leads to division and collapse.
This is precisely what the Prophet (peace be upon him) emphasized when he said: ما دخل الرفق في شيء إلا زانه و ما دخل العنف في شيء إلا شانه Translation: “Whenever gentleness enters something, it beautifies it; and whenever harshness enters something, it disfigures it.”
Forbearance is among the noblest moral virtues. Wherever it appears, it brings beauty and goodness. If a Muslim is gentle and tolerant toward people, Allah the Exalted will treat him with the same gentleness and mercy on the Day of Judgment, as the Prophet (peace be upon him) prayed: اللَّهُمَّ مَنْ وَلِيَ مِنْ أَمْرِ أُمَّتِي شَيْئاً فَرَفَقَ بِهِمْ فَارْفُقْ بِهِ Translation: “O Allah, whoever assumes authority over any of the affairs of my Ummah and is gentle with them, be gentle with him.”
Continues…
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References:
- Surah al-A‘rāf, 7:199
- Surah Fuṣṣilat, 41:34
- Taj al-ʿArūs by al-Zabīdī, vol. 13, p. 167; Lisān al-ʿArab by Ibn Manẓūr, vol. 14, p. 255
- Surah al-A‘rāf, 7:199
- Musnad Aḥmad, vol. 27, p. 357, ḥadīth no. 16802
- Muṣannaf Ibn Abī Shaybah, vol. 5, p. 221, no. 25428
- Surah Ṭāhā, 20:44
- Musnad Aḥmad, vol. 7, p. 351, ḥadīth no. 4331
- Surah Āl ʿImrān, 3:159
- Surah al-Anbiyāʾ, 21:107
- Musnad Aḥmad, vol. 43, p. 269, ḥadīth no. 26199
