In previous discussions, we established, through references to Quranic verses, that men possess the conditions necessary to be the guardians and leaders of their families. It is essential to note that the headship granted to men by Islam is not synonymous with dictatorship, nor does it imply that women are to be enslaved. Rather, leadership should be rooted in consultation and mutual respect between partners.
Islam advises men to understand the true essence of guardianship. As stated in the Quran: “وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ,” which translates to “And treat them with kindness.” Additionally, the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) emphasized the importance of this relationship, stating: “Accept my advice regarding women well, for they are captives in your care.” He further elaborated, “The best among you are those who are best to their wives.”
Women’s Disobedience and Correction Steps
The same verse that designates men as the leaders of the family also addresses potential issues surrounding women’s disobedience. In cases of disobedience, the Quran provides solutions for men to correct their partners. Allah Almighty says: «وَاللاَّتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِظُوهُنَّ وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلا تَبْغُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلاً إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيّاً كَبِيراً» Translation: “And if you fear rebellion from your women, admonish them [first]; then forsake them in bed, and finally punish them. But if they obey you, seek not against them a means of [further] trouble. Indeed, Allah is Exalted and Great.”
Every law or system must have the power to discipline those who disobey; otherwise, leadership and guardianship lose their efficacy. The family unit must balance the interests of both society and individual members; unity and harmony should prevail without the interference of external laws. However, in the absence of agreement, disputes can have far-reaching consequences for the family, particularly for children who witness parental conflicts.
When a woman instigates discord, can the court truly rectify these issues? The answer is no. Court intervention in private matters often exacerbates the rift between spouses. Initially, these differences might be manageable, but following legal involvement, the potential for complete disruption increases. If either spouse’s dignity is compromised, the situation becomes more contentious.
It is unwise to consult the court for every minor disagreement. Many couples argue frequently and reconcile just as quickly. Involving legal authorities in such disputes not only burdens the court system but also trivializes the matter. Thus, a local authority should handle these disputes—namely, the man who holds responsibility for the family.
Initially, men should provide benevolent advice to their wives, akin to guiding a lost individual. This guidance should be careful not to question her character. If this approach is effective, it is commendable. If not, men may consider alternative methods, though they should proceed cautiously.
One notable approach involves separating the wife’s sleeping space to demonstrate displeasure, encouraging reflection on her actions. This separation, referenced in the phrase “في المَضَاجِعِ,” specifically pertains to the bed and not to broader separation, as broader separation can lead to even greater issues.
عَنْ حَكِيمِ بْنِ مُعَاوِيَةَ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ قَالَ: قُلْتُ: يَا رَسُولَ اللهِ «مَا حَقُّ أَزْوَاجِنَا عَلَيْنَا؟» قَالَ: «أَطْعِمْ إِذَا طَعِمْتَ، وَاكْسُ إِذَا اكْتَسَيْتَ، وَلَا تَضْرِبِ الْوَجْهَ، وَلَا تُقَبِّحْ، وَلَا تَهْجُرْ إِلَّا فِي الْبَيْتِ». Translation: It is narrated from Hakim ibn Muawiya, who reports from his father that his father said: I asked the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) what rights women have over us. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Feed them from what you eat, clothe them when you clothe yourself, and do not strike them on the face. If you wish to separate from them, do so in the bed and do not expel them from the house.”
Separation during sleep provides a shock to the woman, as her vanity is tied to her appearance and the acknowledgment of her beauty from her husband. If this method fails, the husband may feel compelled to utilize more severe approaches, such as physical punishment. However, this must be wielded with caution and should only aim at reform. Thus, Sharia delineates that punishment should not cause harm or leave marks.
Calling for restraint, the hadith asserts: “Good people do not beat their wives.” The first two methods of correction—admonishment and separation—should take precedence, with physical punishment being a last resort, only permissible to a limited extent and under strict conditions. The ultimate aim remains reform, not harm.
In summary, men are granted authority to utilize the specified methods for correcting disobedience. Following these interventions, the Quran reminds: “If they obey you, do not seek a means against them.” This acknowledgment serves as a reminder of Allah’s power. Ultimately, while men hold authority, they must remember that Allah is both powerful and just, capable of invoking consequences at any moment.
