Author: M. Osman Mohammadi
b. Criteria for Choosing a Spouse
1. It is Better to Be a Virgin:
One of the enlightening principles in Islam regarding the choice of a wife is to select a virgin and consider her superior to a widow. There is profound wisdom and numerous benefits in this guidance, which can be summarized below:
Virginity is often associated with increased love and interest, as well as a better preparedness for childbirth. Additionally, the potential for understanding and compatibility with a virgin bride is generally perceived to be greater. Such a marriage typically fosters a family environment filled with peace and love. In the initial encounter with her husband, the girl shares her love and affection; since he is the first person to enter her realm of innocence, their existences blend, establishing a sea of peace, affection, and love between them. Conversely, in a second marriage, a widow may not experience the joy and fulfillment found in her first marriage, nor the attachment and desire that her prior husband had for her.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) highlights some advantages of marrying virgin girls over widows, stating: “Marry virgin girls who are eloquent, have a more fertile womb, are generally less cunning, and are more compatible with their husbands.”
Furthermore, in a conversation with one of his companions named Jabir, the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) made the subtle point that marrying a virgin increases love and better protects a Muslim from sin and helps maintain his chastity. Jabir bin Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated: “We were on a campaign with the Prophet (peace be upon him), and as we returned near Madinah with Camel, who was walking slowly, I hurried ahead. A rider approached me from behind, making camel speed up with his stick, and my camel moved like the best horse you’d ever seen; I looked and saw it was the Prophet (peace be upon him). I said: ‘O Prophet of Allah! I just got married.’ He asked: ‘Are you married?’ ‘Yes,’ I replied. He then inquired: ‘Is she a maiden or a widow?’ I responded: ‘She is a widow.’ He said: ‘Why didn’t you marry a girl whom you could joke with and who could play with you?’ I replied: ‘O Messenger of God! My father was martyred in the Battle of Uhud, and after his martyrdom, he left behind seven daughters. Therefore, I chose an experienced widow to care for them.’ The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: ‘Allah willing, the result of your choice will be what you desire.'”
This hadith indicates that, generally, marrying a virgin is preferable to marrying a widow, except in exceptional circumstances, such as Jabir’s case, where he acted in accordance with the honorable verse: “In performing good deeds and piety, cooperate with each other.”
It should be noted that the instruction to marry virgin girls does not imply neglecting to marry widows; the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) approved Jabir’s marriage choice.
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