Author: Abdul Hameed Nowrozi
How Should I Raise My Child? (Part 7)
Factors of Children’s Deviance and How to Deal with Them
4. Improper Treatment of Parents with Children
One of the significant factors contributing to children’s deviance is poor behavior from parents or teachers. When parents or educators constantly blame, humiliate, ridicule, or even physically punish children, it negatively affects their self-esteem and morale. Such actions can lead children to view themselves as humiliated and reprimanded, and in extreme cases, may result in suicidal thoughts or conflicts with their parents. This type of behavior can push children towards deviant and criminal paths.
Islam encourages parents to love and be kind to their children through its teachings and laws. Parents should embody high moral standards to help their children develop independent and respectable personalities. Such nurturing can keep alive the feeling of worth and value in children.
How beautiful it is for every parent to educate their children based on the teachings of Allah Almighty, the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him), and the scholars and thinkers who reflect the good name of Islam. The following advice comes from the sayings and lessons of Hazrat Luqman Hakim to his son. It is beneficial for us to share this advice with our children so that it resonates in their hearts:
1. My child do not associate anyone or anything with Allah.
2. Treat your parents with the best behavior.
3. Know that nothing is hidden from Allah.
4. Perform prayers as they should be performed.
5. Do not forget the advice of others.
6. Do not expect masculinity and goodness from bad people.
7. Think before you act.
8. Be aware of your actions.
9. Do not procrastinate; complete today’s tasks today.
10. Do not joke with your elders.
11. Avoid lengthy conversations with elders.
12. Do not allow the ignorant to become bold or arrogant towards you.
13. Do not deny the needy access to your resources.
14. Avoid reviving past conflicts and enmities.
15. Acknowledge the good deeds of others as your own.
16. Never slander the pure and pious.
17. Do not brush your teeth in front of others.
18. Wipe your mouth and nose quietly.
19. Cover your mouth when yawning.
20. Avoid cleaning your nose in gatherings.
21. Do not embarrass anyone in public.
22. Avoid speaking with your eyes or eyebrows.
23. Do not boast about yourself or your relatives.
24. Avoid wearing women’s clothing and makeup.
25. Do not yield to unreasonable demands from your spouse and children.
26. Maintain respectful boundaries with everyone.
27. Look at others’ work with respect.
28. Do not be greedy for excessive wealth.
29. Practice patience and speak carefully when angry.
30. Do not interrupt others while they are speaking.
31. When walking, do not glance around unnecessarily.
32. Do not express anger in the presence of guests.
33. Do not ask guests to perform tasks for you.
34. Refrain from being nosy or spying on others.
35. Never cease efforts to reform others.
36. Always remember politeness and humility.
37. Show respect to elders and kindness to children.
38. Be patient with your enemies and silent before the ignorant.
39. Do not covet other people’s wealth or status.
40. Do not turn away from people or show indifference.
41. Avoid treating others with pride or arrogance.
42. Remain patient in difficult situations.
43. Speak softly and do not shout over others.
44. Recognize and appreciate Allah through His names and attributes.
45. Speak freely and openly.
Raising a child means nurturing their talents and fulfilling their needs. A child’s needs extend beyond food, clothing, and love; they include the need for opportunities to read, write, learn, and grow. Therefore, children also require security, certainty, independence, and recognition. A child possesses both a brain and a heart; thus, they need an enlightened and nurturing teacher to develop all their talents. Goals and desires drive people and reveal their abilities. Therefore, a teacher should open the child’s eyes to possibilities, guiding them towards meaningful goals.
Children learn by example!
– If a child lives with criticism, they learn to condemn.
– If a child lives with enmity, they learn to be spiteful.
– If a child lives in fear, they learn to be afraid.
– If a child is surrounded by pity, they learn to feel miserable.
– If a child experiences jealousy, they learn to be jealous.
– If a child feels shame, they learn guilt.
– If a child is encouraged, they learn confidence.
– If a child is accepted, they learn love.
– If a child receives affirmation, they learn self-love.
– If a child is educated, they learn to find purpose in life.
– If a child is raised with honesty and fairness, they learn to be truthful.
– If a child experiences friendship and kindness, they learn that life is beautiful.
– If a child lives with tolerance, they learn patience.
– If a child feels encouraged, they learn appreciation.
A calm environment prepares a child to live calmly and dynamically.
Continues…
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