Author: Umm Sadiyah
Friend Selection (The 6th and Final Part)
It is narrated from Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) that a man was in the presence of the Prophet (peace be upon him). At that moment, another man passed by. The first man said, “O Messenger of Allah! I love this man.” The Prophet (PBUH) asked, “Have you informed him?” He replied, “No.” The Prophet (PBUH) said, “Then go and tell him that you love him.” The man followed him, caught up with him, and said, “I love you for the sake of Allah.” The other man responded, “May the One for whose sake you love me also love you.” [1]
The Prophet (PBUH) said: «اذا آخَى الرَّجُلُ الرَّجُلَ فَلْيَسْأَلْهُ عَنْ اِسْمِهِ وَ اِسْم أَبِيهِ وَ مَنْ هُوَ، فَإِنَّهُ أَوْصَلُ لِلْمَوَدَّةِ» Translation: “Whenever one becomes a brother to another, let him ask him his name, the name of his father, and his tribe, for this increases love and the bond of love.” [2]
Undoubtedly, similarity and compatibility of temperament and intellect play a major role in establishing friendships and strengthening their bonds. It has been said: «رُبَّ أخ لَكَ تَلِدُهُ اُمى» Translation: “There are many brothers who were not born of your mother.”
Sometimes, in the midst of life, a person encounters someone with whom he feels an immediate connection and attraction, as if he has known him for years. This aligns with the hadith: «الْأَرْواحُ جُنُودٌ مُجَنَدَةٌ مَا تَعَارَفَ مِنْهَا إئتَلَفَ وَ مَا تَنَاكَرَ مِنْهَا اخْتَلَفَ» Translation: “Souls are like troops assembled; those who recognize each other will unite, while those who do not recognize each other will differ.” [3]
However, this affection must be governed by the principles of faith and its system, directed by the believer’s heart. For Allah’s sake, a believer loves those whom he has never met, either due to distance or because they lived before him; conversely, he may harbor enmity toward those he has not mingled with, whether in travel or discussions.
This feeling stems from the love of good and aversion to evil, and it elevates the heart of its owner beyond ordinary status and dignity. It was narrated from Abu Zarr (may Allah be pleased with him) that he spoke to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him): Sometimes, a person loves a group of people but cannot emulate their deeds. The Prophet replied: «أنتَ يا أبا ذرّ معَ مَن أحببتَ» Translation: “You, Abu Zarr! You are with those you love.”
One of the traditions of friendship in Islam is that visits should be free from ulterior motives and suspicions, focused solely on the sake of Allah. It was narrated from Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: A man went to visit his brother in a village. Allah placed an angel in ambush on his journey. When the angel approached him, he asked, “Where are you going?” The man replied, “I want to go to my friend in this village.” The angel then asked, “Does he have a favor or benefit for you that you wish to increase?” He said, “No. But I love him for the sake of Allah.” The angel said: “I am the messenger of Allah to you, informing you that Allah loves you, just as you love him for His sake.” [4]
Such steps are precious; these steps, like the steps of the Mujahideen in the way of Allah, carry great rewards. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: «مَن عادَ مَريضاً أو زارَ أخاً لهُ في الله، ناداهُ مُنادٍ: بأن طِبتَ و طابَ مشاكَ و تبوّأتَ من الجنة منزلاً» Translation: “Whoever visits a sick person or a religious brother, a caller calls out to him: ‘You are pure, and wherever you go, may it be pure and pleasant! You have prepared for yourself a place in Paradise.'” [5]
He also said: «ما مِن عبدٍ أتى أخاهُ يزورُهُ في الله إلا ناداهُ منادٍ من السماء: أن طِبتَ و طابت لك الجنة، وإلا قال الله في ملكوت عرشه: عبدي زارَ فيَّ وعليَّ قراهُ، فلم يرضَ لهُ بثوابٍ دونَ الجنة» Translation: “Whenever a servant visits his brother for the sake of Allah, he is called from heaven, ‘You are pure, and may Paradise be your refuge!’ Allah states in the kingdom of the Throne: ‘My servant has visited his brother for My sake, and it is incumbent upon Me to receive him, and Allah is not pleased to reward him with anything but Paradise.’” [6]
A Muslim loves the good of all people, yet he cherishes the welfare of his friends more and is happier with their successes than anyone else’s. If he finds any good or virtue in them, it is of no harm to mention it: «وَلَا تَنسَوُا الْفَضْلَ بَيْنَكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ» Translation: “And do not forget forgiveness and good deeds among yourselves. Indeed, Allah is Seer of what you do.” [7]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) encouraged the exchange of gifts and souvenirs between friends, stating: «تَهادُوا فَإِنَّ الهَدِيَّةَ تُذْهِبُ وَحَرَ الصَّدْرِ» Translation: “Give gifts to one another, for giving gifts removes ill feelings from the hearts.” [8]
It is narrated from Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (PBUH) would accept gifts, reciprocate them, and reward them accordingly.
However, this beautiful tradition of gift-giving becomes undesirable if it exceeds reasonable limits and is done with insincerity. Islam opposes pretense and ostentation, encouraging simplicity and genuineness among people. Anything involving constraint, showmanship, or flattery is disapproved in Islam.
Islam seeks to establish friendships based on good conduct, noble character, and a pleasant demeanor, ensuring that the essence and sincerity of friendship remain intact. It aims to make friendships a means of ease, simplicity in life, and a way to alleviate hardships and difficulties. «خَيْرُ الْأَصْحَابِ عِنْدَ الله خَيْرُهُمْ لِصَاحِبِهِ وَ خَيْرُ الْجِيرَانِ عِنْدَ الله خَيْرُهُمْ لِجَارِهِ» Translation: “The best friend in the sight of Allah is the one who is best to his friend, and the best neighbor in the sight of Allah is the one who is best to his neighbor.”
Undoubtedly, Islam has permitted a person to eat from the food of his friend just as he eats from the food of his parents, brothers, and relatives: «أَنْ تَأْكُلُوا مِن بُيُوتِكُمْ أَوْ بُيُوتِ آبَائِكُمْ أَوْ بُيُوتِ أُمَّهَاتِكُمْ أَوْ بُيُوتِ إِخْوَانِكُمْ أَوْ بُيُوتِ أَخَوَاتِكُمْ أَوْ بُيُوتِ أَعْمَامِكُمْ أَوْ بُيُوتِ عَمَّاتِكُمْ أَوْ بُيُوتِ أَخْوَالِكُمْ أَوْ بُيُوتِ خَالَاتِكُمْ أَوْ مَا مَلَكْتُمْ مَفَاتِحَهُ أَوْ صَدِيقِكُمْ» Translation: “There is no sin upon you (the healthy ones) if you eat in your own (children’s) houses, or in the houses of your fathers, mothers, sisters, paternal uncles, maternal aunts, or the houses of your friends.” [9]
This is indeed not surprising, for the bond of friendship is invaluable and carries great implications. Even in times of dire difficulties, one expects aid and support from friends; even if these difficulties involve saving one from the Fire of Hell!
Allah describes the state of the polytheists when they face severe punishment: «تَاللَّهِ إِن كُنَّا لَفِي ضَلَالٍ مُّبِينٍ ﴿٩٧﴾ إِذْ نُسَوِّيكُم بِرَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ ﴿٩٨﴾ وَمَا أَضَلَّنَا إِلَّا الْمُجْرِمُونَ ﴿٩٩﴾ فَمَا لَنَا مِن شَافِعِينَ ﴿١٠٠﴾ وَلَا صَدِيقٍ حَمِيمٍ(١٠١)» Translation: “By Allah! We have been in manifest error… when we used to associate (false deities) with the Lord of the worlds… and none has led us astray except the wicked (devils). (Woe to us today) we have no intercessors (to save us, we who believed in the intercession of intercessors for our salvation) … (And we have no close and compassionate friend to weep for us).” [10]
There are great rights associated with this type of friendship. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: «لاَ تُصَاحِبْ إِلَّا مُؤْمِناً وَلاَ يَأْكُل طَعَامَكَ إِلَّا تَقِيٌّ» Translation: “Do not befriend anyone except a believer, and do not allow anyone to eat your food except the righteous and pure.” [11]
وقلت: اخ !! قالوا: اخٌ مِنْ قَرَابَةٍ؟
فقلتُ لهم: ان الشكوك أقارب
Translation:
I said: “Brother,” they said: “Do you mean a relative brother?” I responded: “Those who are like me in thought, will, and religion are my brothers, even if our parents are far apart.” (Brotherhood is based on thought and belief, not on kinship.)
References:
[1] – Narrated by Ahmad in Musnad and Tabarani.
[2] – Abu Dawud.
[3] – Narrated by Al-Bukhari.
[4] – Narrated by Al-Bukhari.
[5] – Abu Dawud.
[6] – Muslim.
[7] – Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 237.
[8] – Tirmidhi.
[9] – Surah An-Nur, verse 61.
[10] – Surah Al-Shu’ara, verses 97-101.
[11] – Abu Dawud.
