Author: Abdul Hai Lay'yan
The Divine Education Model in the Family of the Prophets (Part 41)
Lesson Two: The Most Deserving of Advice Are the Parents
In the profound teachings of Islam, no relationship is emphasized and respected as much as that between a child and his parents. Thus, kindness to parents has become one of the most important moral and devotional virtues. However, this kindness is not limited to providing material needs or showing outward respect; the highest level of it is striving to guide them towards eternal salvation. For how can one truly love someone yet remain indifferent to their fate in the Hereafter?
Here the life of Prophet Abraham (peace be upon him) stands out as a matchless example. Having been guided by Allah to the truth of monotheism, he began his mission of counsel and goodwill by addressing his father first. His father, Azar, was an idol-maker and a symbol of idolatry. Yet, Abraham (peace be upon him) never spoke to him with harshness or disrespect. In the Qur’an, the tone of his speech with his father is filled with respect and affection: “إِذْ قَالَ لِأَبِیهِ یا أَبَتِ لِمَ تَعْبُدُ مَا لَا یسْمَعُ وَلَا یبْصِرُ وَلَا یغْنِی عَنكَ شَیئاً.”[1] Translation: When he said to his father: O my dear father! Why do you worship that which neither hears nor sees nor benefits you at all?
He addressed his father with the words “Ya Abati” (“O my dear father”), and with firm reasoning and gentle argument, he warned him against misguidance. This teaches us that even if our parents are on the wrong path, our duty is to guide them with patience, wisdom, and love—not with anger or confrontation.
Therefore, Ibn Kathir points out with subtlety: “Abraham (peace be upon him) began his call with his father, for he was the most deserving of sincere goodwill.”[2]
This principle is, in the truest sense, reform from the inside out. One cannot expect to guide society while leaving his own household in darkness and while his closest ones remain distant from the truth. Moreover, reforming the family brings additional benefits:
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Freedom from responsibility: Every person has a divine duty toward his family and relatives. Neglecting to convey the message of truth to them is a form of failure. By beginning the call with one’s close relatives, a person can be at ease before Allah regarding this heavy responsibility.
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Creating a firm foundation: Every movement and social cause requires strong and reliable supporters. None are more reliable than family and close kin. If one can build a foundation of faith and unity at home, he can then approach society with double the strength and unwavering support.
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Practical role modeling: When reform begins at home, its effect goes beyond words. A household governed by faith, morals, and divine values becomes a living example, naturally attracting others through its conduct.
Indeed, any form of social and spiritual reform must begin with the smallest and closest unit—the family. A teacher who cannot influence his own children, and a preacher who cannot guide his family to the truth, cannot expect to have a lasting impact on the wider society. Reforming the family is the foundation of reforming the community. This is the lesson conveyed to us from the shining example of Prophet Abraham (peace be upon him) and the noble Messenger of Islam (peace and blessings be upon him).
Lesson Three: Using Gentleness and Respect in Calling to Allah
Effectiveness in da‘wah and education depends largely on the manner of speech and the way we interact with others. Abraham (peace be upon him), when calling his father to monotheism, adopted an approach filled with gentleness, softness, and respect. Even though he knew his father was in clear misguidance, he never treated him harshly. Instead, with a heart full of love and compassion, he spoke sincerely to him.
The way Abraham (peace be upon him) addressed his father in the Qur’an is itself a great lesson in courtesy and respect. By repeatedly using the term “Ya Abati” (“O my dear father”), he conveyed his heartfelt affection. This tone not only demonstrated filial respect but was also a deliberate attempt to awaken his father’s paternal affection and gain his attention. Abraham (peace be upon him) knew that every father loves to hear affectionate and caring words from his child. Therefore, through this approach, he prepared the way for the words of truth to reach his father’s hardened and misguided heart. [3]
Abraham’s behavior with his father was a clear manifestation of wisdom in da‘wah. It teaches us that influence requires the right method. The tone, words, and timing of the call must suit the audience and their circumstances. Allah Almighty also mentions this principle in the Qur’an: “ادعُ إِلَى سَبِیلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ وَجَادِلْهُم بِالَّتِی هِی أَحْسَنُ.”[4] Translation: Call to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in the best manner.
This noble verse presents three fundamental principles in calling to the truth:
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Wisdom: Choosing a logical method appropriate to the understanding and character of the audience.
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Good instruction: Using pleasant, gentle, and compassionate words.
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Debating in the best manner: Engaging opponents in the most respectful and rational way, ensuring mutual respect even in disagreement.
The importance of this method is such that Allah says in another verse: “وَلَا تَسْتَوِی الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّیئَةُ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِی هِی أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِی بَینَكَ وَبَینَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِی حَمِیمٌ.”[5] Translation: Good and evil are not equal. Repel [evil] with what is best, then the one between whom and you there was enmity will become like a devoted friend.
This verse shows us that good conduct and gentleness can transform even hostility into friendship. Just as every effect has a cause, guidance also has its causes—the most important of which is good character and a gentle approach.
Continues…
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References:
[1] Surah Maryam, 42
[2] Ibn Kathir, Tafsir al-Qur’an al-‘Azim
[3] Qur’anic commentary on the address of Prophet Abraham to his father
[4] Surah al-Nahl, 125
[5] Surah Fussilat, 34
