The Prescribed Principles and Prohibitions of Marriage from the Islamic Perspective (Part Four)
The Ruling on Engagement in Islam:
Engagement, or the promise of marriage, is an agreement between a man and a woman in which they pledge to marry each other in the future. The act of proposing takes place before the official marriage contract and the performance of the Nikah. If the proposal is accepted, the period between the proposal and the execution of the religious marriage contract is referred to as “engagement”.
Engagement is a mere promise to marry and is not considered a contract. Therefore, until the Nikah contract is formally concluded, both parties are still considered strangers to one another. Hence, except in the specific circumstances where Islamic law permits certain observations during courtship, looking at other parts of the body remains prohibited. However, it is important to note that if during the engagement period the Nikah contract is concluded with all its required conditions—even if, culturally, people still refer to the couple as merely engaged—Islamic jurists consider it a valid marriage, with all the legal implications that follow. In such a case, the man and woman are deemed husband and wife under Islamic law.
However, in today’s society, contrary to Islamic principles, most people treat engagement in two contradictory ways:
1. One group, which is not committed to Islamic etiquette and teachings, allows their daughters to go wherever they wish with their fiancés without a chaperone (mahram), freely engage in any activity they desire, form close relationships, visit each other’s homes without restriction, and even go on long trips together—justifying this behavior as a way to understand each other’s personality, behavior, nature, intellect, and emotions. Yet, this claim is baseless and entirely rejected by Islam. In fact, Islam unequivocally prohibits such behavior and considers it haram. This practice contradicts moral values and ethical principles and damages the honor of Muslim women as well as the integrity of the Islamic social system.
Those who possess intellect and insight clearly understand that such unlawful mingling between men and women frequently leads to moral corruption and illicit relationships, resulting in dire consequences. In most cases, it is the woman who suffers more. Her reputation is tarnished, and if the man later decides not to marry her, he can simply justify his decision by citing incompatibility or differences in character. Undoubtedly, this creates suspicion and damages the woman’s reputation, which can make it difficult—if not impossible—for her to find another suitor in the future.
2. On the opposite end of the spectrum, there is another group that disregards Islamic etiquette by taking an overly rigid approach. These extremists, while pretending to be religiously devout, completely reject the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) by not allowing the suitor to see the prospective bride even before the Nikah. They declare that the groom is not allowed to see the bride until the wedding night.
Regarding this, Sheikh Muhammad Abu Zahrah says: “Islam does not support the extreme stance of certain rigid traditionalists who absolutely forbid the suitor from seeing the woman he intends to marry. This forces the suitor to rely solely on others’ descriptions of her. There are many cases where others saw the woman and found her suitable, and praised her appearance and character to the suitor, yet when he sees her later, he might not find her attractive, which can lead to hatred and dissatisfaction, ultimately threatening their marital life. It would have been better if he had seen her at the outset and made his decision accordingly.”
It is evident to those with wisdom and understanding that such extreme behavior has no compatibility with Islamic teachings and often results in a lack of peace, happiness, and spiritual harmony between spouses.
Therefore, it is essential for both suitors and the guardians of the bride to adhere to the boundaries set by Allah at the time of proposal and approaching marriage, especially if they aim to preserve the dignity of women and maintain moral values in families and society.
Translation: “These are the limits of Allah, so do not transgress them. And whoever transgresses the limits of Allah, they are indeed the wrongdoers.” (Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 229)
At this point, it is necessary to clarify Islam’s ruling on engagement rings for young people preparing for marriage. The use of a gold ring, commonly referred to as an “engagement ring”, is prohibited for men for the following two reasons:
1. Because it is a form of blind imitation of non-Muslims, which is forbidden. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) forbade blind imitation. Imam Ahmad and Abu Dawood narrated from Ibn Umar (MABH) that the Prophet (PBUH) said: “Whoever imitates a people is one of them.”
This statement of the Prophet (PBUH) applies equally to both men and women, and both are prohibited from imitating others in this way.
2. Because the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) specifically prohibited men from wearing gold. He said:
“Gold and silk have been made permissible for the women of my nation and forbidden for the men.”
Muslim and Ibn Hibban narrated from Ibn Abbas (MABH) that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) once saw a man wearing a gold ring. He took it off and threw it away, then said:
“Some of you deliberately take a piece of fire and put it in their hands.” (Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2090)
In other words, wearing a gold ring for men is a cause for punishment in Hell. After the Prophet (PBUH) left, people told the man to retrieve his ring and use it in another way. He responded, “By Allah, I will never take back something that the Messenger of Allah discarded.”
However, wearing a silver ring as a form of engagement is not only permissible but recommended for men. Al-Bukhari narrates from Ibn Umar (MABH): “The Prophet (PBUH) wore a silver ring. After his death, Abu Bakr wore it, then Umar wore it after him, and then Usman wore it until it fell into a well called ‘Arees’ and was lost.”
