Author: Abdul Hai Lay'yan
The Divine Education Model in the Family of the Prophets (part 102)
Educational Lessons from the Story of Luqman the Wise (AS)
Lesson Fourteen: The Bond of Faith Takes Precedence over the Parent–Child Relationship, Yet Kindness to Parents Never Ceases
Allah (SWT) says: وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا﴾ [1] Translation: “But if they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them; yet keep their company in this world with kindness.”
According to the guidance of this verse, showing kindness to one’s parents is obligatory and commendable under all circumstances—whether they have treated their children unjustly or kindly or whether they deal with them lovingly or harshly.
This obligation does not cease even if the parents commit sins or acts of disobedience. Rather, this right remains binding even if they are unbelievers or polytheists, for Allah the Exalted says, (وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا) Translation: “And keep their company in this world with kindness.”
At the same time, a child’s obedience to his or her parents must be exercised with knowledge and sound judgment. One should obey them in matters that earn the pleasure of Allah, but not in matters that incur His displeasure. When they command obedience to Allah, they should be obeyed; when they command sin, they must not be followed. Likewise, if they urge their child to disbelieve in Allah or to associate partners with Him, they must not be obeyed, for there is no obedience to any created being when it entails disobedience to the Creator.
This verse clearly distinguishes between two important concepts: kindness (birr) and obedience (ṭāʿah).
Kindness toward one’s parents is required under all circumstances, even if they are non-Muslims. Obedience to them, however, is conditional upon obedience to Allah. Therefore, whenever their commands conflict with the commands of Allah (SWT), obeying them is impermissible. [2]
Nevertheless, differences in faith and the prohibition against obeying parents in matters contrary to religion never nullify their right to kind treatment and honorable companionship. Allah the Exalted says: (وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا) Translation: “And keep their company in this world with kindness.”
For worldly life is brief and transient, and such differences do not alter the ultimate reality. Allah (SWT) further says: (وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ [3]) Translation: “Follow the path of those who turn to Me in repentance. Then to Me is your return, and I will inform you of all that you used to do.”
Ultimately, every individual will witness the outcome of his or her deeds—whether he or she chose gratitude or ingratitude, embraced monotheism or practiced polytheism.
The Reason for the Revelation of the Verse
It has been narrated that the following verse (وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰ أَن تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا) was revealed concerning Saʿd ibn Abi Waqqas (RA).
Saʿd ibn Abi Waqqas (RA) narrated that his mother swore an oath that she would neither speak to him nor eat or drink until he abandoned Islam. She said:
“You claim that Allah has commanded you to be dutiful to your parents. I am your mother, and I command you to abandon this religion.”
Saʿd (RA) said that three days passed until his mother became extremely weak from hunger and thirst. One of her sons, named ʿUmārah, gave her water, after which she began cursing Saʿd (RA). Thereupon, Allah the Exalted revealed: (وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا وَإِن جَاهَدَاكَ لِتُشْرِكَ بِي… وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا) [4][5] Translation: “We have enjoined upon man to show goodness to his parents. But if they strive to make you associate with Me… then keep their company in this world with kindness.”
In another narration, Saʿd (RA) said, “I was exceedingly dutiful to my mother. When I embraced Islam, she said, ‘O Saʿd! What is this religion that you have adopted? Either abandon it, or I will continue to abstain from food and drink until I die. Then people will blame you and say: “He killed his own mother.”’ “I replied, ‘Mother, do not do this. By Allah, I will never abandon this religion for anything.’
“She refrained from eating for an entire day and night and became very weak. She continued in the same manner on the second and third days until her weakness grew severe. When I saw her condition, I said, ‘Mother, by Allah, even if you possessed a hundred lives and they departed one after another, I would never abandon this religion. Now, if you wish, eat; and if you choose not to, then do as you please.’ “Thereafter, my mother resumed eating.” [6]
To be continued…
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References:
[1]. The Qur’an, Sūrah Luqmān (31), verse 15.
[2]. Al-Khālidī, Ṣalāḥ ʿAbd al-Fattāḥ, Maʿa Qaṣaṣ al-Sābiqīn fī al-Qurʾān al-Karīm: Dirāsāt fī al-Īmān wa al-Daʿwah wa al-Jihād, vol. 3, pp. 175–176.
[3]. The Qur’an, Sūrah Luqmān (31), verse 15.
[4]. The Qur’an, Sūrah Luqmān (31), verse 15.
[5]. Narrated by Muslim in Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim, Kitāb Faḍāʾil al-Ṣaḥābah, Hadith no. 6188.
[6]. Ibn Kathīr, Tafsīr Ibn Kathīr, vol. 3, p. 455.
