Author: M. Osman Muhammadi
The Criteria for Choosing a Spouse from the Islamic Perspective (Part One)
The religion of Islam, with its high Shariah and comprehensive laws, provides a precise and orderly system that addresses all aspects of life. It has established a series of rules and criteria for every girl and boy who are planning to marry in order to help them correctly identify their future spouse. If these criteria are observed by both parties and the couple begins their family based on these guidelines, there is no doubt that all the goals of marriage will be fulfilled. Such a marriage will lead to happiness and harmony between husband and wife, as well as their children. Moreover, the family will raise children who will contribute to society with strong faith, high morals, healthy bodies, strong minds, and confident, sincere personalities.
Here, we outline the most important criteria for choosing a spouse:
A. Husband Selection Criteria
For a girl intending to marry, her guardian should prioritize religion, morality, faith, and piety over wealth and social status when choosing a husband. The religiosity, piety, good morals, and decent behavior of a husband ensure the safety and comfort of women and girls. If a religious man loves his wife, he will honor and cherish her; if he does not love her, at the very least, he will not oppress her.
The Holy Prophet, peace be upon him, has directed the guardians of girls to investigate whether their daughter’s suitor is religious and moral. They should consider whether he has the ability to manage the family, raise children, fulfill marital rights, respect honor and dignity, and provide for the family’s expenses.
It is not permissible for a guardian to marry his daughter to someone who is immoral, cruel, irreligious, or disobedient; if he does so, he exposes himself to Allah’s anger and has committed a grave injustice against his daughter by betraying her trust and breaking the bond of mercy.
The importance of a husband’s religion and morals as criteria for selection is affirmed in a hadith of the Prophet, peace be upon him: “If someone comes to propose to your daughter whom you like in terms of morals and religion, marry your daughter to him. If you do not do so, great sedition and corruption will cover the earth.”
What greater temptation exists for the religion, upbringing, and morals of a young, pious girl than to be ensnared by an atheist, immoral person, or transgressor who does not value her honor and dignity and fails to adhere to any laws or covenants? Indeed, it is a calamity for a believing and worthy woman to have her chastity and decency stained by an irreligious and disobedient husband who coerces her into disgraceful acts and associations.
Unfortunately, many chaste girls, who exemplified purity in their father’s house, become degraded and disregard their honor upon marrying a promiscuous husband.
Hazrat Hassan bin Ali, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “Choose a religious person as your daughter’s husband; if he loves her, he will treat her with kindness and respect; if he does not love her, he will not oppress her.”
According to the above texts, the most important characteristic of a husband, from the perspective of the wise and pious, is his morals and religiousness. A religious husband will aid his wife in this world and the Hereafter; if he does not love her, he will at least not despise her or treat her poorly. A religious husband adheres to the words of the Prophet, peace be upon him, who said: “No believing man should hate his believing wife; if he dislikes her morals in some respects, he will appreciate them in others.”
Furthermore, a religious husband supports his wife in the proper Islamic upbringing of their children. Contrary to this, some families prioritize wealth, possessions, and social status when considering suitors, disregarding whether the potential husband is morally depraved. This shortsightedness is detrimental; while wealth is transient, a man’s immorality can lead to turmoil and distress, resulting in a lasting regret that disrupts the family dynamic.
Continues…
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